Have you ever tried to access the gap between stimulus and response? My teacher stands by these words and all his teachings start here. To access the gap, access the space between stimulus and response, to pause. A few months ago, when my mind was racing, I was all over the place and I wasn’t sure what to do and where to start and I was plain angry with everything around me, he asked me to pause. And I remember questioning it because I did not understand why he asked me to pause. Pause and do what? Shouldn’t he tell me to figure my life out? Shouldn’t I take some real life decisions? And so I am not sure I did that to the best of my ability then. I was in the seeking stage of life, where I was asking a hundred questions, I wasn’t afraid of anything and I was becoming one with each emotion I was feeling, whether it was shame, guilt, love, sadness, anger, you name it and I was feeling every single emotion ever spoken about. But amidst all of this, I was also becoming silent. I was really turning inward this time and staying with my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I wasn’t running away from it. I wasn’t distracting myself with any outward activity. I was snapping at people and getting irritated and sometimes being harsh. But slowly as time went by, I started to pause. I started to access the gap. I wasn’t getting triggered as much as before. I was feeling a bit aloof from everyone and everything. So, if someone said something to me that I didn’t like, I would not react, and instead get to my room and sometimes cry or be angry or feel whatever emotion I wanted to feel without masking it. This really helped me in accessing the gap and being spacious and open to whatever was arising in front of me. Very soon I came to realise there is a space around me, infinite space around me. People are finding it hard to get to me because of this space. This space is protecting me from the negativity around me. It’s like a silent protector with no beginning and no ending. Whenever I was getting triggered I would notice the space getting constricted and whenever I wasn’t getting triggered, I noticed the space getting wider. It was beautiful and still is and I am getting better at accessing the space, accessing the gap. It’s a life long process. Does my ego come in the way? Yes, it does many times. I want to be right and say something but I am slowly shedding this need to voice my opinion on every damn topic. It’s not necessary because some people won’t get you and it’s okay. Everyone is made differently. Each of us has this unique stamp on us and so why do I need to prove anything to anyone? Even someone you’re very close to will not understand why you do certain things and that’s fine. Make peace with it. Accept who you are a 100% with all the quirks and as you do that you will slowly accept everyone else too. The pulling and pushing ends and what remains is spaciousness, openness, and a whole lot of love.

Lots of Love,

Miss Light

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