To love is to let be. Oh really! Anything else? Love, according to my teacher, Nithya Shanti is, ” To let others voluntarily evolve.” And? Is love a feeling? Is love a thought? Is love something in between these two? Where do you feel the love? Do you feel it in your body? Your heart area? Where do you really feel this love? Have you ever fallen in love? We all have right, like so many times. I cannot even count. Okay! I can. But I have fallen in love many many times and for the longest time that was the only kind of love I knew. And when I love, I go all out, I give my entire self to that person forgetting my own needs, my own wants, my own desires. What a mess! What a royal mess it is to love someone this way! But so many people love it actually. They love it when you love them this way, strange right. I don’t think anyone has loved me like that. In fact when someone did, I would very soon feel suffocated and I could just throw up. Because for me love means to let me be. I don’t need you to keep telling me you love me or be this needy person. But I have loved people like that, interesting right, which can suffocate a few but most people love to be put on that pedestal. I wonder why! But that was who I was. But that is not who I am today. Today, I can love everyone and everything, the only difference is the people and the intensity. I can go all our for some and for others I can love little and for yet others it’s just 1% LOVE and it might increase or decrease but I don’t beat myself up anymore. It is what it is.
In all of this, I have learnt to love myself finally. I actually love myself and my company and everything about me more than anyone else. For the first time, in all these years, I can proudly say that I love myself to bits to the moon and back. But because I have also been that person and this person, I can also love like no other. I have it in me to love people like no other, only if I want to. Having said that, I can also hurt in a similar way. When you can love so deeply, then you can also hurt so deeply. So deep that I can pierce your heart like never before. Oops!
But coming back to the definition of Love. I sometimes wonder why hasn’t anyone loved me deeply. I sometimes ask God, why is it that I can go all out, I can love deeply but I haven’t been loved that way. But maybe, there isn’t anyone who can love me so deeply maybe it’s just me who can do that. I am also not sure if I receive love very well. Sometimes I close down. I close my heart and I am not ready to receive what I give. I wonder why. Maybe, I think I am not deserving? Maybe, I think I don’t need it. I am quite content and happy without it? or Maybe, no one has ever touched me so deeply that I was ready to open my heart to them? I never opened my entire heart to them. And so, there has always been a part of me that’s been closed. Will it be closed forever? Who is to say?
Strangely, today, I receive love from different sources. Not the usual lovey dovey kinda love, but random people show me they love me or at least they show me they care. and I am quite content with this love. I do yearn to receive the deep kinda love someday. Do I deserve to be loved the same way I can give? I think I do. I really think I do. Does God think I do? Well, I’ll have to wait and watch. For now, I’ll enjoy this mystery.
Last year, when my teacher was quite active on Instagram stories, I had asked him, is there a deeper meaning to this post teacher that I am not understanding? I always want to know the deeper meaning to things. It’s funny but I do. And he said, “Yes, there could be but enjoy the mystery sometimes, Miss LIGHT” and so, as I end today, I’ll enjoy this whole mystery that I am living. And anyway, who has ever had all the answers to life? No one has and no one ever will. So, live in the mystery, abide in the mystery, have fun in the mystery.
BUT JUST WHAT IF, What if someone came into your life who turned your life upside down? Who made you see places within yourself that you’ve never touched before? Who made you go so deep within yourself that you’re shocked every single day when you look at yourself in the mirror? What if they found the key to your heart, your sacred place that was always yours but they found it for you? What if they found the most beautiful, one of a kind, unique, breathtaking treasure inside of you? Is this the real love? Is this the purest kind of love? Is this divine love?
Lots of Love,
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