Somedays turn out to be magical and spectacular when you look back at your day. When you start off, you aren’t sure what to expect because it’s your first time. It’s early in the morning. It’s cold. You have just arrived at a beautiful city. You always wanted to visit all these years but it never materialised or you never got the calling and today finally you’re here. It’s happened. You made it happen. You read the words “Amritsar” at the train station and your heart skips a beat.

You can’t wait to see what the day has in store for you. You check in to your hotel and head out as quickly as possible to enjoy some sumptuous breakfast. And the food is to die for. You can feel the love and warmth with each bite you take, you are just filled with so much joy as you keep eating the puris and chole and aloo ki sabzi. You then decide to pack some mithai for back home and there are so many different varieties that you don’t know where to start and so you just take a few wild guesses and get it packed. Oh! And not to forget the amazing electric rickshaw rides, which make you feel you’re in a different world altogether. So much fun! So many bumps! So much sound! So much craziness all packed into one day.

You then head to the much awaited Golden Temple. You leave your footwear, smile at all the people who carry your footwear and keep it in safe custody with so much love, it’s unbelievable to see the warmth and good heartedness of the people who do this job. You wash your feet and cover your head and start walking, only to see hundreds of people already in line so now you just join in, you’re an ant in this huge ant colony, everyone eagerly waiting to enter the gurdwara. 10,15, 20 minutes pass but you don’t move an inch. You are huddled against so many people, but you’re calm, everyone is calm, no one is screaming or talking loudly, there is a sense of peace in everyone, you hear some people saying Waheguru, some of them singing in their mind, and the shabads playing in the background and you just follow along. I put on my airpods and hear my favorite Shivpreet Singh. You aren’t sure how long the line is. You keep getting pushed and pushed. You reach a bridge and see a water body on both sides. And slowly after about an hour, you see the doors of the gurdwara, You can see the golden doors, it’s here.

We are here! I scream in my head. I am here! Guru Nanak ji I have arrived. I don’t know much about your life but I am here. You called me and I am here. I walk in and there is a huge crowd, the music, the energy, the Guru Grant Sahib all makes me want to break down into tears. A volunteer shows me a spot where I can take my blessings and bow down. I bow down and I start crying, I can’t control my tears, I am not sure why. Are they happy tears? Sad tears? Tears of what? I am not sure. I say a few words to him. I then walk upstairs and find a spot to sit and close my eyes. I close my eyes and I listen to the Shabads. It gives me a sense of completeness, tranquility, and just oneness. I sit there in silence for a while and I remember my teacher. I think of Guru Nanak ji and I feel one with creation, one with everything. Thoughts come and go but I feel one with everything. There is still a yearning within me and I try to let it pass. This yearning keeps me up at night, this yearning makes me cry at odd hours, this yearning sticks to me like glue all day long wherever I go, whatever I do. It leaves me sometimes for a while and I forget all about it. But then it comes back to me. It keeps coming back. What is this yearning? Why does it not leave me alone? Why does it feel like wild fire?

But then I keep trying to feel one with God. One with something, so this yearning goes away or doesn’t grip me so much. Amritsar has an old world charm, the people can be loud, and larger than life, the rickshaw guys can take me for a ride for sure. I do feel that people who meet me for the first time can see through me. I think I am the perfect candidate. I am gullible. I get carried away sometimes and I have no idea how to bargain and if you’re in India, especially the north of India, it’s difficult for people like me to survive. I just trust that you’re telling me the truth. I might cross question you, reduce some bucks here and there but then you usually can get your way with me. There is something written on my face, maybe that I am naive or I am gullible or maybe people think I can overspend. Not sure what it is especially when I walk into these tourist stores. Just today, while I was shopping for a few items in Amritsar, this sales person literally got me excited to buy the whole store, making me taste every damn thing and I kept falling for him. By the time, it was time for the bill, I literally fell off the floor but then it was too late. I did try to reduce some of the items but he did manage to sell me most of the stuff. When I walked out of the store, I was pretty sure I have been fleeced.

The last two days in this Golden City has been unbelievable and I am so glad it happened for me. It just happened. Not much of planning, just an intention and it happened. I also met a friend who drove down two hours to come see me and spend the day with me. I felt so special. The last two days have been magical and I feel complete.

Love & Light,

Miss Light

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