There is no Guru. No disciple. You are your own Guru. You need to be courageous enough to stand alone. Not afraid. Courageous to tremble and fall. Be your own light. Hearing this brought shivers down my spine when I heard Jiddu Krishnamurthy say this in a video. And

I just attended a session earlier today where I was told Guru is everything. Your Guru is the closest you can be to God. It was a session from the Isckon foundation where the program ended with a song, which had a beautiful meaning on the faith and devotion towards your Guru.

So, Miss Light, tell me where do you stand between these two opposing views? I am not sure where I stand these days. Sometimes, I tilt towards the first and sometimes towards the second. It’s not easy walking on your own, being your own light without the guidance of a Guru. But yes, there may come a time where you can let go of this attachment. I feel unless you devote yourself completely to your Guru you wont touch or even breathe enlightenment. You have to give him your all. You have to be ready to fall. You have to be ready for your Guru to say things to you, you may not like. He needs to challenge every single thought and break you and shake you up. You have to be ready for it all. Only then will you touch enlightenment. Just touch it and then maybe you’re back to your worldly roles and duties. Having said that, there may come a time when you’re ready to say a good bye. When you’re ready to walk your own path. But it cant be one size fits all.

Some people might from the beginning be enlightened on their own. They never needed a Guru. But this cant be the only way. There are other ways and maybe for some it is having a Guru by your side as you understand life’s biggest questions. For me, my teacher, Nithya Shanti is my guiding light and he has been from the time I connected with him three years ago. I know this dependency is not good and I should be ready to let go but it’s hard. It’s so hard. Do I really have to? Can’t I just keep learning from him, learning from myself, learning from everyone till the end of time? What’s wrong in that? Will I be devastated if he leaves? Yes, I will be and many others will be too. But I’ll always have his teachings. I will always feel his presence in my life. I have imbibed so much in such a short time that it scares me to death.

I don’t know if I can ever face him. And I have done all of this without meeting him even once. How? Is this even possible?

There is so much more to learn from him and there is a certain ease and peace I receive when I am in his presence. It’s unexplainable. I don’t feel this way with any other Guru. So, then what is it? What is this divine connection that keeps pulling me back to this one person? I could connect with many people, learn from many teachers, but I keep coming back to him in the end. And I don’t know if this will ever change. Also, if I have received so much, shouldn’t I give back? How can I not give back to him?

Sometimes I wonder what will be my reaction when I see him for the first time. Will I go silent? Will I just sit far away and watch him? Will I say anything to him? I don’t know. It’s a mystery how this meeting if it ever happens will be and again it brings shivers down my spine as I think of it.

I’ll leave you with a quote from my teacher.

Higher states are not upward or inward. They take us nowhere other than now-here. It’s not about climbing high or diving deep. It’s about settling in and letting go. NS

Yours truly,

Miss Light