Yesterday, my teacher didn’t have anything to share? Really, teacher? Nothing to share with us today. So, he asked us to come up with something and the only word that came to my mind was vulnerability. The reason for this was I was reading the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown just before the call. And he asked me to elaborate. He put me in a spot and I wasn’t sure where to take the word vulnerability from there. What is it to be vulnerable? What happens when you’re being vulnerable with someone? What feelings do you feel when you are vulnerable? I have been very vulnerable sometimes, so much so that I am in shock after I say what I say. So, I am not sure then if I should be this vulnerable. I seem to feel most vulnerable around my teacher. I can share anything with him and he listens to you without judging you one bit and I have never felt that way with anyone else before. No matter whom I share my innermost fears, challenges and turmoils with, they come in and give me some advice or they make me feel like I am not doing the right thing or they just straight off judge me. I love my therapist too. Because she doesn’t judge me. She does advice me but never judges why I am being a certain way. This has given me a lot of relief to just be myself and that’s what I do every single day when I write in my blog. I am being vulnerable. I am being authentic. I am not hiding anything. It’s all out there. I am an open book. What’s there to hide anyway?
All these years, I have lived with inauthentic people. People who loved to put up a mask and not share their truest feelings and they continue to be that way. They controlled me also and didn’t allow me to be authentic and say what’s on my mind. And when I did say what’s on my mind they would be worried or say be careful before you talk in front of this/that person. It bothers me so much. How did I allow these people to control so many aspects of my life? What was I thinking? I don’t want to go into this past life of mine. It pisses me off. I start boiling from within and its a slippery slope. So, I tell myself, Miss Light let this go. You’re a changed person now. Thank God for that. I can speak my mind and I am not scared if someone feels bad or someone isn’t liking the way I talk. Sorry but I am not sorry. This is who I am today. Take it or Leave it.
I am on a trip. Some kind of trip these days and I am enjoying it. It’s an amazing rollercoaster. One of the most scary roller coaster rides of my life but I am not scared. All I say is Bring it On. Because I am not stopping now. It can go slow, fast, slow, fast, and stop for a pause but then the Roller coaster is going to keep moving.
Until next time.
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