Today as I was walking, I wasn’t feeling so good. I was emotional. I could cry in a second but I didn’t. I kept walking. Because walking allows me to feel through every emotion of mine. I feel it in my bones and then it fades away slowly. Slowly fades away. It’s my way of dealing with the crap in my life. So I realized one thing quite clearly, I don’t need anyone or anything to complete me anymore. I am whole, complete, and so strong. Whatever has to come into my life will come. I am not going anywhere. Everything I need will fall right here where I am because I have been running for long, running after people, things, love, teachers, knowledge, places and I have got it but I am tired. I am very tired today of all the running. I just need to stop. I just need to be. I just need to let go. I just need to scream. I just need to let it all out once for all, let it out and start fresh because I am not attached to anything or anyone anymore. I’ll do what I have to do. But I am not getting attached. I’ll give what I have to give without any attachment. Expectations have long been forgotten in my life. I have always had little to no expectations from anyone and I have always been happier than most people around me. This is it. This is where my life begins. This is where it starts just me and myself and I am enough. I am enough.
I’ll be open and receptive to whatever the universe wants to throw at me and I’ll accept it because my teacher has taught me that acceptance is the answer to everything in life. So I will accept everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. I also accept myself completely and I have no regrets for whatever I have said or done. And I haven’t been more at ease seeing myself this way. Peace. Just complete peace and surrender.
Will I stop asking for what I want? No.
Will I stop fighting for what I deserve? No
Will I stop loving everyone? No
Will I stop giving people what I need to give? No
Will I stop learning? No. Never.
But I have stopped running. I have stopped attaching myself to things and people. Attachment has only brought me suffering and I have known it all my life. I am not afraid to figure this life out on my own. If that’s the way it’s supposed to be for me, then so be it. I don’t want to be hand held any more. I’ll learn what I have to, get the support I need if I need it but I also think I have it in me to figure things out on my own. I don’t need the hundred and one opinions and ideas from people.
Am I dreaming? Is this all fucking a dream? Then wake up. Because it’s time I wake up in this dream. It’s time.
Lots of Love,
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