So, today my teacher had a session on, not sure what. He called it a gentle transmission. He loves this word transmission and downloads and uses it quite a bit. He loves to share all his downloads. It’s one of his ways of sharing deep stuff with all of us.
Anyway, so I had just finished my therapy session and I was late by five minutes. My thoughts were all over the place so maybe, I should have grounded myself before joining his session because even though his session was supposed to be a gentle one, in my case, I was feeling extremely heavy. So, I was mostly listening to him but not really registering anything. So, he used a very powerful question, Would you be willing to dissolve and uncreate all the ways in which you’re measuring yourself based on the standards of others? Would you be open to that possibility? How does he come up with such questions. I am amazed!
How do you check in your life if you’re doing this? He asked us to check if we are feeling heavy or lighter, if we are in flow or are feeling tightness, if things are easy or difficult? Check and see and you will know if you’re on the right path in life.
I wasn’t ready to buy into that sentence at this point in my life. And so, yes. I am in a phase of my life where I feel I need to get somewhere. I need to achieve something significant. Which means, I am looking at a lives of a few people and I want to feel what they did when they achieved a certain something. I am also feeling lightness and tightness, sometimes both at the same time. Will that something that I want to achieve give me the necessary happiness? I am not sure. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting it. Is this wrong? I don’t think so. All the people who have reached the top of the ladder will say this. But can I please reach the top of the ladder before deciding this? Yes, there can be an easier route and I wish there is because I don’t want to have too many u-turns, pot holes, diversions, along the way. It will be much easier if I get there in a more direct way and my teacher was trying to explain that to me but these days I am not listening to anyone right so I don’t know what it is but I don’t buy into things easily unless I really come back and introspect and reflect on what you told me, which is making me kind off a piss off right. So, people, I mean it. It’s time people really let me be. For heaven sake, let me be. Stop telling me what to do. How to do it. Especially, people close to me are pissing me off big time. Because they have accomplished what they wanted to, they are 60 plus, or they are on a different path of Love, and marriage or just enjoying frivolous things in life and I am not there. I am really not there. How long does it take for people to get that? My own inner voice is very powerful and is enough for me to take decent decisions and so you get the point.
My teacher ended by saying, What if you’re the chosen one? “The Chosen One”. These words for sure make me feel so damn good because at some level – maybe all levels these days I feel I am the chosen one to do many things, so many things that the list is getting bigger. All of them aren’t going to be earth shattering but they will definitely make a difference to maybe just one person and that one person will remember me for the rest of their lives and that’s all I need. I don’t need the biggest pay cheque, or a big fancy house, or a big fancy car. I don’t need it but I have a feeling I might just get it. It’s all going to come to me without too much fuss and then I’ll decide if its truly what I want. Because what I want right now is to make a difference, is give back, is to shine bright, is to write a book, is to make you cry, laugh, and die and be born all at the same time. It’s to make you realise that you too can have the same dreams and aspirations and you too and me too together can do some crazy things together only if you let me.
You know the funny thing, I keep telling my teacher or at least tell myself that if he gives me a chance we can do some crazy things together. He has had a vision for a community and so I know for a fact I am called to be a part of it not just be a part but be a big part. But then, maybe now is not the time. Not just my teacher, if you have a vision, my husband had one. I have always told him. I’ll make it happen for him. But again maybe it’s not the right time to do that. Maybe, it’s my time to shine and when I shine everything will fall in place. and you might decide I can be an asset to whatever your vision is and you will come looking for me and not me telling you? Who knows! But if you don’t give it a try, you won’t know is what I live by these days.
Also, today is my favorite day because it has my favorite number 11. And this number has been driving me up the wall the past few months. But I am loving it even if it is 🙂
Lots of Love and Blessings,
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