On some days, like for example the last two days I have been getting a lot of signs from the universe by way of numbers that I am on the right path. These signs never meant anything to me earlier or maybe I wasn’t looking but these days it’s all over the place and I am not able to ignore it. But even though I have all the signs and I pretend to be not afraid. Something keeps bothering me. Fake it till you make it types. I sometimes feel despite all of this, do I realize I am disappointing people. For example in this blog. I am not hiding anything. I am sharing things very authentically from the heart but I am scared because I don’t want my family to read it. So, I still continue to be anonymous. Am I scared I’ll be judged? Am I tired of answering questions? Can I just live my life the way I want to without being questioned for once. God, why can’t I just do this for once? It’s suffocating me. The minute people start to question me. I feel suffocated. Why do I have to answer people? I don’t ask people any personal questions then who is giving people the right to ask me?

And then I wonder if I over do things. What’s there to wonder, Miss Light? I do tend to go over board. I mean this is such a big problem. But I don’t expect things in return so I am not sure why do I have to deal with all of this, people judging me. I mean can’t people accept me the way I am. 

Today is world mental health day, and my day started very well. But as the day progressed a few stressors started coming up, I was multi-tasking, managing multiple orders with little to no sleep last night, this started fucking up with my head. And then I have the usual stuff happening these days. So many ups and downs in my mood that I am losing it and getting back to normal every minute. Like my teacher says, I give birth and die every moment. My teacher says, it’s stepping back and stepping in. I am just doing this with everything that’s happening around me. Step in. Step out.

But what really started the downward spiral today was when I picked up my daughter from school, she was so upset and wouldn’t stop crying, which never happens. I looked at her face, and I was like what did I just do? She said, “mama, why didn’t you pick me up early today?” In the morning, I had told her I would because she wasn’t willing to go after a long holiday break. I was so exhausted that my husband convinced me that she should go but my inner voice was telling me that she is not looking so well, maybe I should not send her but I listened to my husband and what a bloody mistake. I was feeling so guilty. I was feeling so pathetic. I mean this poor child isn’t well. Why didn’t I just listen to myself? Yes, the last twenty days have been hell. She’s been driving me up the wall, clinging to me, and just screaming at me. It’s not been easy. So today, I was blaming myself and just going on a guilt trip. You know the lovely guilt trip we go on every now and then?

Then later in the evening, I discovered something else. I mean my intentions were very clear and pure but things are getting messed up. Why? Why? Why?

I wish someone had answers to this Why question. But no one does and so I just have to let it go. Today, a friend texted saying, its full moon. So, think about these two words, Release and Resistance. What will you release to the moon today? and I said, I will release my desire to control the outcomes of everything I am trying to do these days. I releasing my sense of control to the moon.

Before I hit the sack, I also had this inner calling to re-do my Teacher’s course on “The Vibration Experiment”. So, I kind of feel this course changed the trajectory of my life in not a small way but a very big way. I did it a month ago. It’s a series of 21 recordings. My teacher every morning before 8 AM sent us a voice recording on how to raise your vibration. I will not give out the details because its one of the most powerful courses I have done with him. He had over a 3000 people sign up for it on Whatsapp. Yes, you heard that right. Whatsapp. No videos. No live classes. Nothing. Just plan simple voice recordings that have the power to shift your energy and transform you in ways you’ve never been before from the comfort of your home. All you have to do is be receptive and open. The magic unfolds on its own.

If you’re interested in learning more about the course, leave a comment and I will connect you with my teacher.

Lots of Love,

Miss Light

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