Today, as I was doing my yoga practice, I stopped. I usually always do it with my teacher but she wasn’t feeling very well today. So, I started. She told me what to do. As I was doing it, I was taking really heavy breadths. And I knew something is coming up. Something doesn’t feel right. I had just had an argument with someone and I was carrying that through my practice. Remember I said I won’t cry and so I am saying it again. I am not going to cry. No matter how much anyone hurts me. No one can harm me. So I might be teary eyed but I won’t cry. But then after a few rounds of Surya namaskar, I just laid down. Suddenly this feeling crept over me, like enough is enough. How much will you go on and on? How much will you keep doing? Slow down. You’re fine. Life is fine. Everything is fine. You have people around you who support you but then just why do I feel so lonely today? Tell me why? If I have everyone around me, my teacher, my husband, my parents, my daughter, friends then why the fuck am I feeling so damn lonely these days? What is this feeling and where is it coming from? Why do I feel like I am on my own now? Why is God making me feel this way? What is he trying to tell me? I don’t know anything. I feel so lost but still I have found myself. I feel so alone even around everyone. I feel so much love for everyone but still so lonely. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. But it’s not easy being in this situation. I don’t know what else to say today. But as my teacher always reminds me, to Fully feel what you’re feeling is very healing. So, I am not going to run away but if I am feeling sad, lonely, and angry. Let me feel all of these emotions and once I fully feel this feeling, I need to take some positive action. What can this positive action be? It can be anything, talk to a friend, listen to something nice, go for a walk, or sing/dance. But get out of the situation. Feeling lonely is not a problem, its just a situation and it will pass. My teacher always comes at the right time, telling me the right thing, no matter how messed up I am feeling in the present moment and I love him for that.
Love & Blessings,
Leave a Reply