So, just imagine this. Just imagine because you definitely can’t feel what I am feeling right now. It’s like a part of me just died. It’s like a part of me just came alive. It’s been close to three years since I know my teacher but I feel I have known him forever. Maybe, I am dreaming. But I truly do feel that way. And I haven’t even met him right. So it’s possible when I meet him I won’t be that impressed. But that doesn’t stop me from trying to meet this person. I have tried for the last two years but every time there was a hurdle, an obstacle. Just something coming in the way. In the last month, I came very close, so close to meeting him but it didn’t happen. I was shattered. Not for too long but yes for a while. It took me a few days to get over it but then I didn’t lose heart. Then again I got to know he is coming to the city I live in. I was so excited. But again on the same day as my sister is to be married so I won’t be there. Imagine how I felt when I heard this.
Let’s pause here. Let’s soak this all in. Soak it in. Second time in a span of a month where someone you’ve wanted to meet for so long has come so close but you haven’t been able to meet. Let’s pause again. Because as I write this, tears flow down my eyes and I need to fully feel this feeling. Is this God’s way of testing me? Or is my teacher testing me? I am not sure. I am really not sure. All I can say is, it hurts. Because you don’t know what wrong you’ve done to deserve this. You feel you’ve given your life to your teacher and his teachings and his vision but that’s not enough to give you the opportunity to meet him. Or the time isn’t right? I don’t know. Nor do I want to try and understand it. Because it is beyond my understanding. It really is. So I’ll just leave you with this….nothing more to say.
My silence will speak today.
– Miss Light
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