So my teacher, Nithya Shanti recently had a session on acceptance. It was quite an interesting session for me. I heard it twice and the second time around things became more clear, as to why I am suffering so much. Why am I not able to move on and just accept life as it is? What is stopping me from doing this? I have been torturing myself for so long that I can’t even remember. Don’t get me wrong. I have lived a good life. I have people around me who love me and care for me. I have usually never listened to anyone. I get my way with people but there have been times in my life where I have given in, where I have given people the permission to slowly and subtly control aspects of my life and I would say Yes to them to avoid conflict and just move on. Because you know it’s just easier doing that than getting into one more argument. But when something like this builds up, and builds up, and builds up, where in you find it difficult to breathe. You’re literally suffocating to death. You slowly start to stop giving a shit and you start to put your foot down. You try to do it in a nice way, a little loud tone, but then finally when nothing works you lose it completely. You go all out. You care a damn. You are ready to fight your way through this. You’re willing to walk away. You’re willing to suck it up on your own because you know it’s better to live with this than suffocate and die. Suffocate and live a half life. Growing up I was considered a fighter, my father would call me a fighter. I wouldn’t give in to people when my value system was being questioned. My values are everything to me. If someone rubs me in the wrong side, I wont keep quiet even if that person is my loved one. And so there have been times where I have sided a stranger and not my loved one. Because thats how I function. I can’t take sides. I can’t be miss goody shoes. I just can’t fake it. If I ever do fake it, You’ll be able to catch me right there. Because it’s written all over my face. I can’t tell a lie. Infact playing games where I am supposed to lie doesn’t work for me. It’s difficult. Though I have loved playing Poker. It’s been a while since I played but I used to enjoy it. But if you lie to me, I wont spare you. Anyway, coming back to acceptance. Accepting the way life is unfolding beyond my absolute control. This is so difficult. In normal circumstances, it’s easier to accept, but when your world is falling apart, you find it so hard to accept everything God is putting you through and you question why. Also, you realise there are no final answers. When your questions suddenly seem pointless. How many questions are you going to ask. Because the answer is simple, no one knows a thing. Everyone is just giving you their view looking from their lense. But my life can be completely different, and so I don’t see why I should take advice, talk to people, discuss, or ask questions. Though I do ask a lot of questions, but I see myself changing now. I seem to be answering my own questions through my own inner guidance. I don’t require a teacher, a parent, or just anyone to tell me what to do and how to live my life. I decide and that decision is usually final. I might sit on the see-saw for a while but my answer is usually final and made. I am doing it to buy some time in my life. Because people around me can’t take it actually. They can’t understand how this woman can take such big life decisions so quickly? How is she able to do it? I wish I had the answer but I don’t. I just know one thing when its right, it’s right. My intuition has usually never failed me. Of course, a few years down the line I may not take the same decision. But with the current scenario, algorithms, coordinates available to me, I take a decision and stick by it.

My teacher said, what if the answer to everything in your life is acceptance? Isn’t that lovely and liberating to hear? It’s like a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, one single answer to all the damn questions in the world. Thank you, teacher! Usually, he doesn’t give such easy answers. He always wants to make us think. But this time, he said this and it changed my thinking forever. That no matter what life throws at me, I will use one word, ACCEPTANCE.

I’ll leave you to think about this and leave you with a quote from Lester Levenson.

From here on, “I have everything I need as I need it”

Let’s say it again. From here on, ” I have everything I need as I need it”

and so it is.

Yours truly,

Miss Light

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