I mean seriously, would someone really say that to you? Be a bit selfish. But a friend did.

So two thoughts that have been playing on my mind today. What is it like to be selfish? And what is it like to focus on yourself? So recently, a friend told me. Stop focusing on everything else and focus on yourself. This has stuck with me. It’s been over a month since this person said it but I can’t seem to make peace with these words. These words seem so simple, “I want you to focus on yourself”. But for some reason they’re the most complicated words I have ever read in my life. The first thing that came to my mind was why would someone say this to me? Why can’t I focus on the people I love? What’s there to focus on myself, anyway? I do what I have to do. I have learnt to prioritise my needs but then. Then what? Be selfish and again focus on myself. Woh! Okay, Dear Friend. Will try but I don’t promise. But then I say, Why can’t I focus on doing something worthwhile for another person? What’s wrong with that? Isn’t it a good thing. What’s it with the world and people trying to make you selfish when actually all you want to do is give, help, be creative, collate, and learn together. I wasn’t sure and I still am not. I still haven’t been able to draw a line between doing something for myself vs. someone else. So then I ask myself, “Miss light, tell me what is your dream? Tell me what is your purpose in life? “ The answer I get is, your purpose in life is to help other people realise their dreams. Your purpose in life is to love unconditionally. Your purpose in life is to love infinitely and support other people with their vision. Your purpose in life is to make other people’s life comfortable. Your purpose in life is to take care of a lot of back end stuff so people can realise their dreams. This is what comes to me. Am I wrong in thinking like this? I don’t know. Should I be selfish? I don’t know. But then why did my friend tell me to focus on myself. What if focusing on another person will help me focus on myself. What if focusing on someone else’s dream will help me realise my dream. What if loving unconditionally will allow me to love myself more. What if! What if! What if!

Now, if all of us were to be selfish and if all of us only did what we wanted to do. Then how would we move mountains? How would organisations be formed? How would the real big things happen?

That doesn’t go to say that I don’t want to make it big or I don’t have any aspirations. I do. But my aspirations will unfold as time passes. I am quite sure of that. It doesn’t feel like the end all and be all of things.

But what if I feel, all the people I really love, their dreams and visions need to be realized now. The time has come to take charge and make it happen for them. It’s now or never. I am ready to dive in. I only get this conviction with their dreams and not mine. Strange right.

Phew! Exhausting to say the least. Sometimes I wish I was just another person who had a dream, went after it, didn’t get side tracked and then died knowing I did what I had to do in this lifetime. Forget helping other people, serving other people. Do what you have to do and die.

But for some reason, my life is seeming more complicated than that. It’s not black and white. It’s all grey.

Yours truly,

Miss light