So let’s talk about love today. Oh no! not again. One more person coming in and giving us the definition of this four letter word which has basically got the whole world into a deep mess but it is the only word that will get you out of it also. Strange right? So give me a chance. Let me tell you my story with love. It starts very early on. I am talking about the love you get from your parents, but my parents were never there. They were so busy ensuring we have a good life that I didn’t touch that feeling with them. They were there but not there. They were lost for a while. Yes you heard that right. For a year in my life. I think I was 5 years old. I hadn’t heard from my father for a year. He was lost in the war. We didn’t know if he was alive or dead. I have a vivid memory of myself standing in front of the Lord and praying. Asking God to bring my father back and he came back eventually with a whole lot of horrifying stories which he buried within himself and never spoke about. Today, I have photographs of myself before the age of 5 because when my dad got on that ship, he brought along all our photo albums. He remembered in all the turmoil he was going through to carry those photo albums. How loving and considerate?
Growing up, I can only remember myself alone. I think I was a loner. I found it hard to enjoy birthday parties. I would mostly be left to myself. People made fun of me and I wasn’t that great in my studies too. Then came the teenage years of my life. The most fun part for all of us where you suddenly start getting attracted to the boys in your class. You enjoy the whole feeling of falling in love even though your definition of it is quite messed up. But who cares? The point is you’re talking to a guy, you’re sharing and you’re learning and growing.
My life with love in my teenage years was different because since I was a shy child I could never express myself to people in the physical realm and so I started chatting with random men online. Yes you got that right. I entered the crazy world of the World Wide Web at the age of 14. An age where I could easily get carried away, meet the wrong people, be taken for a ride, and if you end up sharing pictures or private information with people you don’t know, you could end up in major trouble. But even though I was so scared as a child I was also quite fearless. So I started chatting with random men from India and sometimes beyond. (All of them just a few years older to me”) Mostly Indian because the men abroad were too fast for me. I couldn’t relate to that kind of love which basically straight went to having online sex. So, my definition of love was born here in the World Wide Web through chat forums, ICQ – it was one of the oldest chat programs and it still gives me goose bumps when I think of those days.
I remember getting done with school, connecting to the modem, praying the internet works and then basically hoping someone has left me a message. Strangely enough, the universe was in my favor even then and so I actually ended up meeting some really amazing people. People from good families with a decent value system and so the conversations never stopped. We had ongoing conversations for years. I ended up dating one of them for close to 8 years before breaking up finally and ended up meeting another one after a good 7 years of knowing him just online. My definition of love and connection was born here behind computer screens, in chat windows, without sharing pictures for a very long time, with no private information being given. But amidst all of this, we had deep conversations. My love for deep conversations and deep connection started very young in life. Love meant having a deep connection with someone. Love meant touching parts of your soul that no one has ever touched before. Love meant giving yourself completely to someone you had never met with close to zero expectations from the other person. Let’s be honest, what can this person really do if he is in an another city and all you have is a computer screen in between you’ll.
But I was quite courageous, I organized a physical meeting, literally like a movie. I did it while I was going to be with my mother in a city in Maharashtra. I told my chat friend “Be there at 5 PM at this college cafe. Don’t say Hi because I’ll be with my mother”. Just look at me and walk away. Hilarious right! But the love was so exciting, so pure, so full of life and magic that I enjoyed that phase in my life and it taught me so much about what it means to love someone you have never met and still give your complete self to him. This might be extremely crazy for most people. It’s not normal to do this and so I don’t recommend anyone follow this route. It’s a slippery slope. But isn’t any love relationship a slippery slope?
Over the years, I met some nice guys, not so nice guys, guys who only wanted to have sex, guys who found me extremely authentic and cute but that’s about it, guys who loved talking to me but didn’t want a relationship, guys who really loved me but I didn’t love them back, and so on and so forth.
And finally, I met the man I am married to today. Fell in love in a split second and in a split second I was married to him. It was an arranged marriage. So I saw a photograph, saw his credentials, spoke to him over the phone for a few days, texted him and then I was done. I heard a bell in my head, this is it. He’s the man I want to get married to. Was I scared? Yes. But I was willing to risk it all even if it turns not to be the worst decision of my life.
So I wrote this letter a day before meeting him. I was a little tired of meeting the wrong guys and so, this is what I wrote,
I am so exhausted with this whole love game. Can you please help me find someone real quick? Don’t make me run around anymore. I am exhausted and tired.
What do you think God did? He did just that. He loves me too much to say no to me I think. He gave me my husband in a matter of a day and the rest is history. I followed my intuition and fought against all odds and got married to him. It was nothing less than a fairytale wedding. Today we are married for eight years and we have grown so much. Coming from two different worlds, he and I have discovered another side to love and life. It’s a side where you sacrifice, adjust, give in, play, laugh, scream, but in the end a subtle voice that says I love you no matter what.
But there is one more kind of Love that I have encountered in the last few years. It’s the best kind of love. It’s the most purest form of love. It’s love from a different realm. It’s love that crosses continents, countries, planets, stars, the sun, the moon. It’s a love that you feel that’s indescribable. It’s a journey to somewhere but you don’t know where this journey ends. This love has no final answers. It’s a blur. But it gives you a senses of completeness, a sense of being ness, a sense of magic, a sense of calm in a storm, a sense of beauty, a sense of joy and ecstasy, a sense of fearlessness like nothing you have experienced ever before and this love has spill over effects on all the other love relationships of your life. Isn’t that truly magical? Okay let’s, cut to the chase. I call this love Divine Love. I call this love God’s Love. I call this love Universal Love. It’s the kind of love you feel when you get silent, a love that you feel when there is a storm but right in the center there is a calm. It’s a love that doesn’t speak. It only shows through actions. It’s the kind of love that is as pure as honey. It can shake you up, grip you, but also make you feel so secure. No other love has the power to give you that security. So, who introduced me to this love?
Remember I told you about a super human in my previous post. The community, the super human? Go read my previous post to know more about him. Since he introduced me to this divine love my love for him is nothing less than divine love. It’s quite magical and gives me goose bumps. I am so excited to have encountered this love. It’s the most fascinating thing that’s happened to me in my life. You feel so protected in the darkest of times and nothing seems to grip you like before. Do you want to know who my teacher is?
Not so soon. My teacher Nithya Shanti has a mind blowing story altogether which I will share soon. He has allowed each of us in the community to experience this love. All we needed to do is be receptive and open. I’ll end my post here with my teachers definition of love
Let (L) Others (O) Voluntarily (V) Evolve (E)
To Love is to let be.
Love means spaciousness and attention. Spaciousness and attention. Spaciousness and attention.
Lots of Love,
The Moon Song from the movie She.
I am lying on the moon.
My dear, I’ll be there soon.
It’s a quiet and starry place.
Times we’re swallowed up
In space we’re here a million miles away.
There’s things I wish I knew
There’s no thing I’d keep from you
It’s a dark and shiny place
But with you my dear
I’m safe and we’re a million miles away.
We’re lying on the moon
It’s a perfect afternoon
Your shadow follows me all day
Making sure that I’m
Okay and we’re a million miles away
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